


and when the sky is starless

by WattStalf



Series: Commissions [194]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Manipulation, Mild Sexual Content, Unhealthy Relationships, commission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Hilda doesn't want to go home, because that would mean leaving N all alone. She wants to keep him happy.
Relationships: N | Natural Harmonia Gropius/Touko | Hilda
Series: Commissions [194]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1325462
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	and when the sky is starless

**Author's Note:**

> blink and you'll miss it referenced incest  
> How I kind of imagine he could be in a relationship, because it's not like he had a chance to learn to love properly

Hilda kind of wants to go home, but she is not sure if she should tell N that. She tries to be careful, talking about things like that, avoiding subjects that might make him think that she does not want to be here with him anymore. He worries, if he starts to think that way, and it takes her a while to console him, and to convince him that she is not going anywhere, that she is never going to leave him.

But then, once she has gone to the trouble of reassuring him that she will never leave, he usually just smiles and says that he already knows, and that is the end of that.

She came to find him on her own, not willing to let their story end when he left. After accomplishing everything that she had, after apparently saving the world and becoming the champion of the Unova region on top of that, she found that none of that mattered nearly as much as finding him, and letting him know just how important he has become to her. They were rivals and they were enemies, but he was like a mentor to her, and he claims to have learned from her as well. In the end, it’s no wonder that she fell so hard for him, that she could not bear to let things end there.

She found him, and she has been traveling with him ever since. At first, it was just a fun adventure, but as time went on, things became more serious. N accepted her confession, replying with one of his own, and that was when things started to shift. They have been a couple since then, though he claims to know nothing of romantic relationships, and though Hilda does not have any experience of her own, she tries to guide him when she can, using knowledge that she has picked up from the movies.

It has been a long time since she last went home, and she has completely lost contact with her friends and family. This is different from her journey, because back then, she could call her mother. She could call Professor Juniper, and she could call Bianca or Cheren, and she often ran into them, because they were all traveling. Now, she hardly has any idea where she is, and she has no way to get into contact with them. No matter where she goes, she only knows N, and as much as she loves him, and as much as he insists that he loves her, she still misses everyone else, and still feels lonely sometimes.

But she knows that she can’t leave him. He has been through so much, with the man who raised him and used him, and he needs her. As long as he needs her, Hilda knows that she has to stay by his side, and she can’t bear the idea of leaving him alone. He has told her before that it would crush him, that he needs her, that he is not used to being alone. His sisters were always there, even during the darker parts of his childhood, and it was only after he left on his own that he realized just how much he needed human contact, just as much as he needed his Pokemon.

So Hilda has to be that human contact. Even if she sometimes wonders if he really loves her, or if he just loves her because she is there, because she is the one who came after him, she knows that she has to be that human contact. She has to stay at his side, because he does not know what he would do without her, and she can’t bear the idea of leaving him on his own.

But she wants to go home, sometimes. She wishes that he were not so sensitive about the topic, because it is not as if she has to leave him behind. The two of them could go together, and she knows that her mother would love to meet him, and would treat him well. Perhaps she might have some concerns, since N is a little bit older than her, but if Hilda explained everything, then surely her mother would understand. It might be more difficult for Bianca or Cheren to understand, but they would come around too. They know what N has been through.

She could bring him home with her, but if she brings up the topic of home, he would be worried before she even got to that part, and she would have to spend so much time reassuring him that she would never be able to get to that part. Once, she simply asked if he ever missed his sisters, and he thought she was trying to convince him to go back to them and to leave her.

He thought she wanted him to have his sisters back so that he would not need him anymore, and it took her such a long time to convince him that she still loved him, that she would never want to lose him to anyone. Once he was calm, he told her that he wanted to be just as close to her as he was his family, and she still does not understand exactly what that means, but she does her best to be there for him in every way, hoping that she will eventually be what he needs. And even if she thinks he might feel better if he went home with her and had human contact beyond her, and even if she _knows_ that would be better for her, N loves her and he needs her, and she loves him, so she continues to follow him, wherever he wants to go.

~X~

They are staying in a hotel in some city that she has never seen before- a common trend, and she rarely gets to know the cities before they have already moved on. They spend more time outside, traveling like she used to, but when they pass through cities, if they have the money, they stay indoors for a little while. In the beginning, he would get a room with two beds, and in the beginning, they slept in their separate sleeping bags while camping, but lately, things have been different.

N complains of being lonely at night, of being cold, and now it is to the point that he does not bother getting a room with an extra bed that neither of them will be using. Tonight is no different, and he runs his hand up and down her back, pulling her closer to him, and making it harder for her to ignore the way it feels, sharing a bed with a guy. She knows that he is older than her, but she also knows he does not have any experience in relationships, so she has no idea how to broach that subject, or if either of them are actually ready for that step yet.

Tonight, he takes that step on his own. He starts by telling her that he wants to be closer to her, something that he says all the time. Usually, he says it in relation to his family, about how he wants to be as close to her as he was his sisters, so she has no idea that he is trying to take that step. It is only when he flips her on her back, pinning her down and kissing her, that she starts to think things might be different this time.

Normally, he keeps his distance when he kisses her, so the fact that his body is pressed right up against her is new. For all she knows, this is not actually the first time he has felt like this while kissing her, but this the first time that she has ever felt his erection, straining against his pants, pressing into her. All at once, she is hot all over and panicked and excited, and not at all sure how she should feel about this.

Is she ready for this? There is a very big part of her that thinks that she is, a very big part of him that, when he kisses her like this, wants to rip his clothes off. But there is that reluctant part of her that does not know the first thing about relationships, that has never done anything like this before, that still wants to go home and is afraid to tell him, that tells her she is not ready for something like this, not at all. Hilda has no idea which side of herself she is supposed to listen to, but she knows which side N wants her to listen to.

She knows that she would hurt him if she were to turn him down, so she lets him kiss and lets him pull back and smile at her as he says, “I love you. I want to show you something.” He says it like it is something he knows so much better than her, and that does not make any sense to her, because this should be his first time.

N doesn’t have any experience with relationships, and is still learning how to love. There is no way he could have done this before, so maybe he just phrased it poorly. She does not know what to think about all of that, but decides that it is better not to ask him. For a reason that she knows but does not want to address, she really, _really_ does not want to know what his answer will be if she asks him. She likes her own answer, and decides to stay with that.

“I love you too,” she replies, because it is his favorite thing to hear, and because she means it, she really does. She loves him and she wants him, and if she rejects him now, then it will really hurt his feelings, and he might think she wants to leave again. Of course they’re ready for this; if they both love each other, then there is no reason for them to not be ready. She is ready for him to take off all of her clothes, and to take off his, and she pretends not to be flustered by letting him see her naked, and even resists the urge to cross her arms over her chest. Hopefully he is not disappointed; it’s not like her clothes ever gave the illusion that there was much hidden beneath them.

N does not seem to notice or mind, gazing at her with that same warm expression that she has come to love more than anything. He gets back on top of her and tells her just what to do and how to feel while he makes love to her- and he describes it just like that, and she loves it, loves how romantic it sounds. They are in love, and she is happy here with him, she never wants to leave his side. He never has to worry about her leaving, and she has assured him of that time and time again.

But she isn’t so sure about all of this. He can make it sound as romantic as he wants to, and it certainly seems like he enjoys it, but she is left wincing in pain, not able to relax like he tells her to, and not able to enjoy like he tells her she should. She tries to hide her tears from him, because she knows that he will take it the wrong way. It’s not that she’s unhappy- it just hurts, and she needs a minute to get used to it, but he won’t give her a minute, or any time at all.

N is lost to his own pleasure, and that makes her happy. Beneath it all, it makes her happy that he is enjoying it so much, and she thinks that must mean that they are doing it right. In time, she will get used to it, and she will pretend that she enjoys it, just like she pretends that she enjoys this adventure, and pretends like she does not miss her home. If it’s for him, she can do it, and if it keeps him happy, she can do.

“I love you,” he says again, before pressing his lips to hers, kissing her while he comes inside of her. Some part of her says that he is doing this so she can’t speak, so that she can’t protest this, but that’s ridiculous, because she would not protest anyway. If he wants it, then it must be okay, because he loves her, they love each other. Everything is just fine, and even if she feels sore, and feels like that was not what she was expecting, she must actually like it.

It must feel good, because N feels so good.

He falls asleep on top of her, not long after he finishes and pulls out, kissing along her neck and telling her that he loves her, that he is so happy, that he never wants her to leave, and that they are going to be together forever. Hilda, of course, agrees with him. She wants to make him and she never wants to leave him, and she will always be there for him.

But she really, really wants to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in my writing updates, please follow my fanfiction twitter @WattStalf  
> 


End file.
